(with thanks to Erika Meitner)
I have no
Hospital visits worthy of mention,
No allergies of any kind.
Confess contempt for you
Confused by ibuprofin,
Tetracycline, anesthetic,
Fluoride, latex, nuts, other.
I have no
History of infective endocarditis,
Fake valves, defibs, defects.
My heart beats in a steel box.
My cholesterol rocks.
I have no
Pneumonia, anemia, TB, apnea,
Long bleeds from slight cuts.
My joints are original,
My prostate impregnable.
Calcium, thyroid, hormones:
The opposite of deficient.
No jaundice. No kidney, no liver,
No duodenal disorders.
My chicken pox was epic,
And then it was over.
I take no statins, no supplements.
I am not, thanks for asking, pregnant.
My emotional pains are not to speak of.
I smoke nothing
But the occasional joint
Or vape or bong hit
Which I can take or leave.
Three drinks a week. Four. Maybe six
Or ten, depending.
Some days are better than others.
I have never had radiation therapy
Or contact lenses.
Could clearly witness my father
Tugged to sea on the tide of
A neurologic disorder.
My mom’s fine. She’s 89,
And when her salt levels soared
For reasons no one could fathom
And for days she lay listless, dizzy,
Confounded by a simple query
And unable to swallow pills
Or to piss without my sister
Hauling her body to the toilet,
Hauling her back to the bed
Where dad had died
Or might as well have
And we thought we’d need an aide
Or a nurse or a full-time
Dependent living situation until
For reasons no one could fathom
Though it likely had to do with
A blood pressure medication allergy
Which as I mentioned I did not inherit
She got better. She’s fine.
Did I tell you she’s 89?
I need list no vitamins or medications
Taken in the last two years for
I bestride this chilled pea-green waiting room
Like a god, a hero, a conquering Titan.
I fear no needle, no X-ray, no survey,
No scan, no chart, no probe,
No doctor. No man. No woman. No other.
